He took awhile to come as apparently he was quite comfortable in there. M was there for the entire labour and delivery which was unexpected. He held my hand, let me squeeze him, cry on him, held me up and did everything I didn't expect him to do. It was a long labour, lasting almost 20 hours but it was worth it.
M still hasn't told his parents about the baby, much to my dismay. His sister knows but only because I called her and told her everything. His brother knows but that's beside the point. I'm not sure where things stand. M seems to be straddling the fence and won't go either way. He's trying to balance his family and us. He seems to only be willing to be here 50% of the time, if that.
He is a very attentive father, I must say. He consoles baby a lot and has a natural way with him that I love. He speaks Punjabi to him almost exclusively and teaches me as much as he can. I've learnt a lot of Punjabi in the past 3 weeks.
I can't write a lot because baby is fussing. I just know there is a lot of tension and sadness in M. He wasn't able to publicly celebrate the birth of his first son, which I know is extremely important to him. He holds a lot of resentment towards me because of my past and the people who know me and my past. In my culture, people don't care, the past is the past. He cares and so do a lot of people in his community, sadly. He's scared that it will affect the baby's future although I don't think it's that bad.
I have to leave for now though. I hope to be back soon to write more.
